i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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