dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
we're making bets on your personal life
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Randomize
