Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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