This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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