Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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