mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
