Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
