a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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