hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
