I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
