i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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