Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
