Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Randomize