oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
