A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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