Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Randomize
