She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
