remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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