i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
