It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
