you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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