I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
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