thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
