big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
