Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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