She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
