I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
