It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
