Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
