I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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