can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
