I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
