I like to think it a success when the cops are called
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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