Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Randomize
