put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
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