I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
