Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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