But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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