i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Randomize
