Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize