you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
She's the barista slut.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
