I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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