Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
