I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
what is it with giant penises always finding me
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
