I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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