it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
