The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
