Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Operation Purity has been aborted
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
