just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
