I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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