I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
soo... how was my night?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
