I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
