Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Where are you guys?
Drunk
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize