break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
