Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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