How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
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