In America we eat man semen.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Randomize
