I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
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