do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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