i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
