I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
