i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
