Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
