Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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