Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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