I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Randomize
