you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
