I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
